[New] BEGINNINGS

I have big hopes for this year. I have made resolutions.

Last year was really hard for me...but I don't want to look back.

This year for me is about being positive and looking forward.

Here's to 2010. Happy New Year!

[More] GAMES

More game playing today. This time of a more intellectuall kind. We were playing with a chess board that I bought him for Peru a year and a half ago. I've never played chess before but I don't think I lost too badly! My head hurt afterwards though.

Shopping!!

Today was my mum and my annual shopping trip. It's my birthday next Monday so I always get money for Christmas and my birthday for the shopping trip where mum and I go to Oxford Street. I love it because it's a nice girly day for us and we always have a lovely chat while we are storming through the shop. This year, it was pissing down all day, which made it slightly uncomfortable to get round the streets. Also, I seem to forget every year how crazy sales shoppers are. Got shoved quite a few times and my mum ended up calling one woman a 'bitch'. What happens to women when they see clothes? It was madness, I tells ya!

Reunion

Today was a type of  last supper. The fella's brother came back from Cambodia for Christmas (where he has been for the past year and a half) and this was our last supper with him before he went back.

He has made a lovely life for himself out there, got himself a fantastic job as a Games Developer and got himself a Cambodian girlfriend. I think the fella was really sad to see him go but both were incredibly macho about it.

GAMES

We have spent every evening since Christmas day playing some kind of board game. When I was younger and used to spend with my immediate family and the festivities were over by the time The Queen's speech had finished and my Grandad was asleep on the sofa. Without being melodramatic, my family didn't really have the 'family' thing down so now that I am part of another family, I am making up for things and really enjoying doing so.

JOKES

The jokes just got worse and worse today. I am having so much fun. Today we played all the board games in the house. Balderdash was the house favourite. Everyone laughed so hard.

I love the jokes in the crackers. Stupid jokes make me laugh. Or it have been because my blood supply is now more port than blood. I don't know. But who cares? It's Christmas. Oh wait, it's not anymore.

FAMILY

Christmas Day. Cava. Baileys. Port. Good food.

Cranium. Wii Sports.

Eastenders.

All spent with my fella and his, no, our family.

Good times.

Memories [of me]

Today I went to my Mum's and she was showing me old photos of me. It was really weird to see how little I have changed.

LOVE [conquers all]

Well, I didn't pass my test. I was three questions off passing. I was pretty low when I left the test centre. Initially, I was annoyed with the fella's attempts to cheer me up but when he got me home, made a a few silly faces and a snack for me, I realise I was directing my anger at the wrong person. He always has a way of making me feel better about myself and that things really aren't that bad. I ended up having a lovely day because he was with me. As soppy as it sounds, I know life is beautiful because I have him.

[Self] PITY

I have been revising for something called a Skills Test today. It's a Mathematics test, which I have to passed before I can achieve Qualified Teacher Status (QTS). Maths has never been my strong point, in fact, I hate it. I'd even go as far as to say I have a phobia of it. So as you can imagine, today has not been fun. Early this morning (mornings are when I am at my best), I was getting in the flow, realising I know more than I think I do. But by the end of the day, I was back to self-loathing and pity because I did the online practice test and got more wrong than right. My test is tomorrow morning at 11. I'm shitting bricks. I can repeat this test as many times as I need to until June next year but ideally want it out of the way now so I can concentrate on the things I think actually matter. I am going to bed now filling pretty low about my capabilities.

Innocence :-)

Today was full of child-like things. Me and the fella decided to forfeit buying each other presents that we can open on Christmas day this year so that we could buy an black limited edition Wii! It came today and we were like children again, playing Mario Kart, screaming and purposely blocking each other's view.

THEN it snowed! When I told the fella that I had never made a snowman before, he made it his aim to take me outside and make the best snowman the world had ever seen. Instead, we made Steve. He may not be the best but boy, do I love him!

For me, this is what Christmas is about. Being young and silly and appreciating the innocence of this time of year.

One Hundred Days Update - 1/5 of the way there!

Ok, so I have now been doing this for 20 days and the question is whether I feel like I am better person for taking part.

I feel like I have been forcing myself to step back and take a look at my day and how to categorise it into a picture and a word, in a way that is neither boring nor depressing.

I fell like I have committed myself to look at my days creatively and purposefully for the past twenty days. I am really proud of myself for this.

The thing I am probably the most proud of myself for is how I have stuck to this every day for the past twenty days. I may not have posted my pictures to my blog every day but I have taken a picture and thought of a word to accompany it.

So, yeah. I do think this project is helping me on my way to making me a better person. I'm already a more dedicated, creative and purposeful person and am grateful for that.

WRAPPING

Wrapped all the Christmas presents today. A lot less than last year as I have taken a large pay cut while I do my teacher training this year. Still managed to get everyone a litle something so I am pleased. I love wrapping presents, makes me feel very creative and excited in anticipation for the reactions when the person unwraps what they are given. So looking forward to Christmas this year!

HAPPY

Today I have been stupidly happy. It was the first day of the Christmas holiday. I woke up at 9am and stayed snuggled with the fella in bed untill 11.30. I've felt relaxed and silly all day and even though I'm actually very ill (sod's law), I don't care. I've needed to have this free time with myself and the fella for a long time and the fact that it is Christmas too makes it that bit better. We didn't even leave the house today! I am going to make the most of this break.

SNOW!!!

Today it snowed!!! It was beautiful. The kids at school were in their element, throwing snow balls and building snowmen. I felt like a kid again playing with them. It was the perfect way to end the school year.

PARTY

Tonight we had our Staff Christmas party. I ended up really enjoying myself despite previously feeling that I didn't fit in. I don't know if it was the gallons of wine that I consumed, the vast amounts of food I ate to absorb the alcohol or just the Christmas spirit but I don't think those guys are as bad as I first thought. 

COLD

My fella came in the house  wrapped up to the nines today. It was -1 today and it briefly snowed! He had just walked the 15 minutes from the station to our house. He looks a wee bit sinister but I can assure you that he is not at all, he's lovely! We had a nice snuggle on the sofa when he unwrapped himself from his layers and I made him nice and warm...believe me ;-)

VISITORS

Today we've had two visitors from San Francisco, America come to stay with us until Thursday morning. I met one of them when I was travelling in Peru two years ago. I am happy that we have not only kept in contact but that we are still in contact and seeing in each other.

He has brought his friend from university with him. I made them both and the fella a huge pot of chilli and chatted about the differences and similarities of our countries.

It's been a lovely evening.

EYES

Today's image represents a lot of things. I had my eyes opened to some people's behaviour; I realised the people I could trust and those I should be wary of. I also cried today and had to hide this from people. I smiled...but if that person really looked at me, they would have seen that I wasn't smiling with my eyes. It also represents how tired I am feeling. They have been looking bloodshot and baggy recently, I feel like I am in desperate need of a holiday. 

(Good) FOOD

Every Sunday, my mum comes round and joins me and the fella for a Sunday roast. Today I think I outdid myself. Feeling really full and happy now. I love Sunday roast with my family. It manages to keep the Monday blues at bay for that little bit longer. I had a wonderful Sunday and there is nothing like good food to soak up a hangover.

STAMP

Went out last night with my uni mates and wanted to have an image of the evening.

Most of the image are not post-able because I and my friends were so drunk. However, I thought the stamp on my hand, which was to enable re-entry was so pretty that I thought it was worth using.

It represents my day because I felt free to me today. Being with my uni mates always allows me to feel free to be, free to say anything and free to have fun. Like a butterfly!

SLEEP [must have sleep!]

Very tired. Image taken by fella while I was taking a nap. He knew I hadn't taken a picture for 100 days project so took this of me. I am so so tired. Need sleep. Even if it's a Friday. I must sleep.

CHRISTMAS

It was the fella's Christmas party, the first of many Christmas parties and it was lovely!

The image was of the Santa Claus puzzle I won in the cracker pulled by the fella and me.

I had a lovely evening and and a lovely Christmas dinner.

I am getting very excited especially with the thought that I only have one week left of work this year!

GIFT

Today I was given a bracelet by a Brazillian girl in my class. She bought me this bracelet because she said that I was a lovely teacher and I made her happy. She said she chose this colour because my favourite colour is purple. I don't remember telling her that but I felt touched that she knew. I felt touched that she bought it for me for me in the first place and it made me realise that I must be doing a better job than I thought. It also made me feel good as I had been feeling down recently, being given this has really bought me up again.

[Biting my] TONGUE

Today's image is of me biting my tongue. I have been in my new job for the past three months and find it difficult to get on with people there. I find it hard to be myself and spend a lot of my time there not saying the things that come naturally to me to say. I am on a fixed term contract and am looking to get a permanent position at the end of the contract so feel I have to be on my best behaviour until I do. So until then, I will be biting my tongue because as my mum always says "If you haven't got anything acceptable to say, wait until you get home then rant your arse off". Thanks mum!

ALCOHOLISM?

Today I had a glass of wine as soon as I got into the house. Normally, I may have one with dinner or to wind down for the evening but at 4.45pm, I had a glass of wine. Is this the first step to alcoholism I wonder? Or just a reflection of my day? Maybe I'll have another glass of wine while I think about that. 

BALLS

Not the balls you would expect but the Christmas kind. Spent the day in Westfield in Shepherd's Bush. Not really an inspiring place, and by the end of the day, myself and the fella were ready to hurt people. So this image represents my day because it represents my belief that Christmas shopping sucks balls!

STUDY

Today I have been studying all day. I feel like I have been incredibly productive and feel proud of myself because I had been letting things slide recently. There is nothing like a good day of study to make you feel more knowledgeable and educated. 

MESSAGE

Today's picture was taken on the train on the way to work this morning. It made me smile when I read it but I soon realised that this anonymous piece of writing was actually a message to me and how my day would turn out. You were right, anonymous writer. My day was wank.

ART

Today I went to see my good friend, Tutte Newall and her art exhibition 'Postcards from Dystopia'. I have known her since we were both insecure young things who didn't know what we wanted to do with our lives. To see a large white room full of her art pieces made me beam with pride. Her work is absolutely amazing!

FEET

I'm having loads of issues with my feet at the moment. Last week, I had tendonitis in my left foot and now both feet feel fucked. I'm tired of walking and standing but suppose training to be a teacher, this ain't gonna change any time soon.

Solitary...

Today I felt alone. This image represents how I feel because I feel tired, worn out and like I'm falling apart, just like this shoe looks. I was walking home and I saw this shoe and thought it completey encapsulated how I felt today.

EXPERIMENTS!

Today's image represents my day because I had a Science session at university. We were studying Forces and we had to create an experiment with these toy cars. We then presented our experiment to the rest of the group. 

FUN!

Today's image represents my day because it was during my time at university. We were in a particularly boring lectures and I made a suggestion that we go to the pub for lunch. Some people were 'mmm'-ing and 'aah'-ing about it as they felt that drinking during lunch time and coming back to a boring lecture would send them to sleep. My friend, David, who agreed we should go to pub, drew this graph to convince the others, leading to a day of fun and laughter, both during the lecture and afterwards.

[Back on] TRACK

 Today's image represents my day because I have been feeling really low and lost recently. I've lost my confidence and had forgotten who I am.

Today I was at university with my fellow trainee teachers and I felt like I belonged somewhere and have an understanding of my identity.

I feel like I am getting back on track and starting to follow my path again.

BOOKS!

 

Today's image represents my day because I have an assignment due in next month, which is about teaching maths to primary school children. Since I am not very confident teaching this subject, I want to brush up on my subject knowledge...hence all the reading.

One Hundred Days

Okay, so I am starting a project called One Hundred Days, http://www.hundreddays.net/, where I have pledged to take a picture which I feel represents my day and accompany that with a word. I will accumulate all the images over a week and post to my penpal in the USA. I will blog this project throughout.

So here goes!

S'pose I need to get with it...

Ok.... I don't know when it happened but I am out of the loop. No longer down with the kids. I am officially the oldest 25 year old I know.

I dont know when they came but I have noticed a sudden influx of musical 'artistes' have arrived in a puff of glitter looking weird and wonderful...and slightly intimidating. We have a Ladyhawke, some Little Boots and a La Roux, whatever that is.

I made a conscious effort today to educate myself because well...I must admit I don't like it. T'was a wondrous time when I had my finger on the pulse. I knew who people were before your Average Joe had an idea that they even existed. I know I am reading about the next best thing in the friggin' Guardian. So I went on to my Last.fm page (don't tell me..that's so 2008) and put their names in to the search engine. So the re-education began...

I began with a Little Boots record called 'Stuck in Repeat', which I had to admit I really liked. Great, I'm not old! I like this music. Then we moved onto a VV Brown song and I found it slightly irritating, a little grating, if you will. So it begins, middle age. Then Last fm crashes.

I think it was for the best really, I can't envisage the experiment ending well. Just me, in a ball rocking, mummering incoherently about the 'good ol' days'.

It's getting bloody hard to keep up. But then, that might because I don't want to. It's like clothes, as soon as you find a trend you like, some magazine is telling you that it is 'sooo over'. I like to have time to develop a taste for something, get to know what it is I actually enjoy about something. I can't do that in the space of a few months or because an article tells me I should love it.

For risk of sounding old, I think we need to learn to give things time to make an impact. Let the people decide...or at least, give me time to hear it first for me to decide!

52 Poems

The internet set me free - A girl's story

I have spent alot of time thinking about the benefits of this blog and whether I am just jumping blindfolded on to the bandwagon. I mean, I'm on twitter for goodness sake. Then I read this:

http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/02/social-networking-increases-cancer-risk.php

In this article, the writer discusses a Daily Mail piece that suggest that social networking cause cancer. You may laugh but this was the Daily Mail. It is never difficult to disagree with the Daily Mail so I shouldn't have much trouble here.

I have felt notably more intelligent since signing up to this endless amazing tools the internet is providing. Yes, it can sound intelligent to be flippant towards it all and shrug it off as a passing trend but I am finally feeling free to write.

And for someone who has aspirations to be writing that it is a bloody good thing... Creating this identity for myself and writing from behind it, is allowing me to publish a version of myself to public for their acceptance or otherwise without leaving myself open. I feel free to write.

And the scope for reading, I have read more in the past two weeks than I have read in the past few years using Delicious, Google Reader and Daily Lit. I feel more intelligent and equipped to understand the world.

For someone with an addictive personality, who can get caught up and obsessed with negative habits, to find another 'addiction' that actually sets me free rather than trap me, is a pretty life-changing thing.

I might try for another sensationalist headline:

Web 2.0 changes in technology saves girl's life.

Bit much...but I think the Daily Mail will like it.

Web 2.0, here I go!

IN the past few months, I have joined four different social networking sites that I feel in some way aided me achieving my primary outcome: To be a better person.

I have joined dailylit.org, where I can read through daily classics via email or RSS; twitter.com, no introduction; mymedhelp.org, to track my mood, water consumption and sleep patterns; and delicious.com, to share my bookmarks with the world!

The twee-ness, the trendiness, the popularity of it all actually makes me feel kinda embarassed but this morniing I woke up and thought 'hey, you know what...I'm gonna start writing a blog'.

I have no idea where I'll begin and how this might pan out but f**k it, cos if there is one thing I've noticed about all this Web 2.0 stuff, there are so many people doing it, I probably won't get noticed anyway.

Keep posted...